1782, Kentucky Wilderness, Bigfoot Throws a deer at Daniel Boone

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! In around 1782 or earlier, Daniel Boone was making his way though the Kentucky wilderness. When he comes upon a cave. He takes up in this cave, laying out for a few nights to rest up his boots. On the second night of laying out, Boone is rudely awaken by a loud noise of a tree falling or maybe a flood. Then the moon and stars are bloated from the sky as a huge monster looms over him, smelling and sniffing at his provisions and privates. Having thought he dreamed the entire horror, Boone lays out the following night. Again something like the events of the night previous, repeat. Only with more familiarity. The next day, Boone is off down by the nearby creek preforming his daily ablations, when out of the bush a live deer comes flying through the air. Boone is able to narrowly avoid the animal’s landing. But he gets the hint and hightails it out from that cave immediately.

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1987, Lake Oroville California, Shy Swimmer

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! 1987, Lake Oroville California. Evan Weedian claims that while boating in the morning, he observes several eight foot monsters frolicking on the banks of Lake Oroville. Sitting perfectly still in his tiny rowboat, he manages to watch as the creatures, obviously Bigfoots, throw mud at each other and wade knee deep into the water. After a half an hour, the creatures moved off into the woods. Later, after Weedian docked his boat, he found hand and face prints smeared on the windshield of his truck. Had it not been for a strong wind and furious rain, Weedian might have been able to take pictures of these impressions.

1994, Wertzel West Virginia, Nude Apeman

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! 1994, Wertzel West Virginia, Carl Laoso is fixing a flat tire on his pickup truck when he hears a low mumbling scream coming from the woods. He grabs his maglight and heads off to make sure no one is in trouble. A few hundred yards off the road, he catches a glimpse of a hunched, naked apelike creature running around. Thinking it is just a sad person, probably loaded on the drugs, Laoso calls out attempting to get the attention of the naked and frightened creature. When the nude form catches sight of Laoso it lets out a long and inhuman scream. Laoso sees its red fiery eyes and short, sharp fangs. He tells everyone who will listen about the naked apeman in those woods.

2011, Gibsonville North Carolina, Muddy Footprints on Pavement

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Leo and Bernie Barely claim to have seen big foot prints on the street in front of a small wooded grove near their Gibsonville North Carolina home. While size and shape are consistent with a Bigfoot, the prints were ambiguous enough to spark the interest of several regional Bigfoot Investigation Teams. One of those teams, lead by Jeff Jerlurkey, excitedly sets up camp in the woods. Over a couple of nights, the team record wood knocking sounds and snorting which they take as definitive proof of the presence of a Bigfoot. On the third night, Jerlurkey sets up a perimeter of infrared and motion sensitive cameras. Shortly after four a.m., all the cameras activate capturing what looks like a creature moving quickly through the area. Jerlurkey announces the find, but refuses to release the footage unless he is given his own reality program.

1915 Fox Farm, Trigg County Kentucky, Broken Nose Abduction

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Col. Robert Fox hears tell that his family farm had come under attack by a strange animal force. The assaulting creature wounded his wife with a severe, though hardly life threatening punch. While thrashing the interior of the family’s small farmhouse, after decimating the chicken coops and startling the livestock. The Fox family, the Colonel is told, has relocated to his wife’s maternal homestead in Western Tennessee. Col. Fox rushed to the farm and hastily organized a posse to search for the monster. On the second night of the hunt, the horses are spooked into flight by cracking trees and thrown bark at their stable. The next morning, the Colonel finds himself lightened by the retreat of lilly0livered cowards who fear another night in the deep woods. That will be the last anyone sees or hears of the Colonel for almost a full year. Until he emerges from the woods, covered in twigs and smelling of blackberry jam. His tale is one of abduction, fisticuffs and derring do. The creature, he claimed, kidnapped him and took him into a mossy enclave where a tribe of primitive ape men and women, lived in brutal harmony. The Colonel earned the tribe’s begrudging respect, when in a round of Queensbury Rules boxing, he broke the nose of the ape tribe’s prized fighter. The Colonel escaped by covering himself in peat and crawling among the Earth for miles.