1884, Mississippi River, Arkansas: Filbert McHattie Raises Funds for the Bigfoot Preservation Guild

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY!

1884, Mississippi River, Arkansas: Filbert McHattie Raises Funds for the Bigfoot Preservation Guild

Famed confidence man, Filbert McHattie boarded the newly christened City of Providence riverboat operated by the Anchor Line out of Illinois, armed with a carpet bag full of disguises, coupon receipt books, and large parchment guarantees. All worth nothing more than the price of the paper they were printed on.

Filbert McHattie spent the first leg of the City of Providence‘s journey dressed as a frontier priest enticing the good widows and prune faced gentlemen to help the poor Indian savages who had burned all their bibles to stay warm during last year’s brutally cold winter.  McHattie’s tale of Christianizing the Savages brought in nearly four dollars.  A fine two days worth of work.

McHattie, during the return trip, attempted a confidence that was as timely as it was risky.  A few years prior, in about 1882, noted American frontier’s man, Daniel Boone was reported to have encountered a wilderness monster – called in the popular press  – Bigfoot.  Of all the very real dangers out in the wilds of the ever expanding Nation, all these were overshadowed, at least in the popular imagination, by the looming shadow of a real, live monster.

McHattie capitalized on this fascinated panic. Spinning a tale of how the creatures were ancient descendants of Cain and who were taunted and hunted by man.  Depending on how this story went over with McHattie’s mark, he either withdrew the Bigfoot Preservation Guild stocks or the Bigfoot Hunter’s Sustaining Bill.  The latter being slightly more expensive since, McHattie felt it was favored by unsavory brutes prone to drink.

A few of these momentous documents survive, mainly in private collections, and in the Sanford Library’s Grifters’ Collection, which can only be viewed every third Wednesday of each month and by only then by prearrangement.

1989, Daniel Boone National Forest, Kentucky: Wilma Than Claims Bigfoot Impregnated Her

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY!

1989, Daniel Boone National Forest, Kentucky: Wilma Than Claims Bigfoot Impregnated Her

Wilma Than claims she was abducted from her Bee Rock campsite by a black and red haired Bigfoot.  The creature, Than continued, smelled like pine cones and sexy musk, had nearly perfectly white teeth, and feet larger than most men.

The Bigfoot grabbed Than and whisked her off into the woods.  Before Than could cry out, the creature had her back at its nest.  Than described the Bigfoot den as rather cozy, if somewhat primitive.

“After a few days of wooing me,” Than wrote in her journal, “the creature finally consummated the relationship.  Immediately, I knew I was pregnant with our love child.”

Than claims that Bigfoot babies only take three weeks to gestate.  Once the infant was born, the Bigfoot’s whole demeanor toward Than cooled.  “Typical male,” Than laments, “once he got what he wanted, I was fried shoelaces.”

A few days later, Than woke up and the Bigfoot and their infant baby were both gone.  “Never did see either one of them again.  But the worst part? I had to walk back to camp on my own.”

1782, Kentucky Wilderness, Bigfoot Throws a deer at Daniel Boone

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! In around 1782 or earlier, Daniel Boone was making his way though the Kentucky wilderness. When he comes upon a cave. He takes up in this cave, laying out for a few nights to rest up his boots. On the second night of laying out, Boone is rudely awaken by a loud noise of a tree falling or maybe a flood. Then the moon and stars are bloated from the sky as a huge monster looms over him, smelling and sniffing at his provisions and privates. Having thought he dreamed the entire horror, Boone lays out the following night. Again something like the events of the night previous, repeat. Only with more familiarity. The next day, Boone is off down by the nearby creek preforming his daily ablations, when out of the bush a live deer comes flying through the air. Boone is able to narrowly avoid the animal’s landing. But he gets the hint and hightails it out from that cave immediately.