1999, Marble Mountain California, Disabled Shouting

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! A church group of 12 disabled hikers is setting up their camp when they hear screaming coming from deep in the woods. At dusk, a figure is seen moving back and forth on a ridge a few miles from the church group’s handicamp. The figure appears over 10 feet tall, slumped back and waving its long arms up and down as it screams and throws branches down the hill. After an hour of watching the figure march back and forth, the church group’s leader blows the emergency air horn startling the creature from the ridge. One of the girls manages to get several minutes of footage on a portable movie camera that she brought to document the puppet ministry.

2010, The Tatra Mountains, Slovakia, Yeti Breathing Tubes

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Piotr Klossowski captures several seconds of cell phone footage of a dark haired Yeti while taking the cure in the Tatra Mountains of Slovakia. The footage clearly shows a dark figure marching past some large boulders jutting from the side of a hill. The Yeti pauses several times to readjust a large cylinder that it pulls behind itself. After Klossowski appears on several talk shows promoting his shaky and blurred footage theories pop up that the Yeti appears to be sick or injured. Possibly horribly burned in a forest fire. Interestingly, Slovakian Yetis benefit from a nationalized health care system that provides for all citizens, regardless of economic, racial or monstrous status.

1982, Green Moutain Falls, Colorado, Alien Control

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Howard Catner publishes his seminal book “Alien Minds: The Remote Control Structure of The Bigfoot Hoaxes” In it, Catner argues that UFOs have been circling the Earth since the mid-1940s. In order to sow strife and foster hostility among mankind, the Aliens come up with schemes. One of the longest last and most effective schemes is Bigfoot. Catner claims to have hard evidence of how the Bigfoot is a remote control meatpuppet that and Alien team controls while cloaked in their invisibility shields. Why the Aliens would need a large hairy ape puppet to scare campers is easily answered when Catner reveals that the Aliens themselves are about the size of Smurfs, as seen on Saturday morning children’s cartoons.

1953, Riverside State Park, Washington, Bigfoot done take my keds!

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! 1953, Mary Jane Tuttle reports a horrific story of weekend horror to the park rangers on her way out of the Riverside State Park in Washington. Tuttle says that she and her three children had arrived at the park for an afternoon picnic on Friday evening. Sometime after they finished their sandwiches and lemon squares, a large hairy man emerged from the woods. In one massive sweep, this man scooped up her three children – aged 4, 6 and 10 – then turned and ran back into the woods. Tuttle spent the next night and two days following the cries of her children. Convinced they were being tortured and eaten, she was beside herself with fret. On the morning on Sunday, May 25, the three children emerged from the bushes, unharmed. They reported having a very nice time with the Bigfoot, who taught them to fish with rocks and how to stay warm with leaf piles.

1975, Joplin Missouri, MoMo Bigfoot Creature

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Steven MacFowl says that a large hairy, “from head to toes completely covered in long spindly hair,” creature was walking down the middle of the two lane highway that leads to his Joplin Missouri home. The creature stood in front of MacFowl’s car, perfectly still, in the headlights for several minutes. MacFowl flashed his headlights and tooted the horn with no reaction from the creature. Suddenly the monster broke into a sprint headed right at MacFowl’s car. MacFowl gunned the engine and managed to swerve to avoid hitting the beast. MacFowl’s car suffered minor front end damage when he drove it off the side of the road. MacFowl was informed by the local Sheriff that several other sightings of the Missouri MoMo were reported that same night.

2011, Ketchikan Alaska, Logging Road Pole Valut

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Hiker and amateur videographer, Rick Putua, captures a large Bigfoot looking creature roaming through the woods off a logging road in Ketchikan Alaska. Out shooting footage of birds for his YouTube channel, Birds0fthe99950, Putua hears a rumbling and branches breaking on the other side of a small creek. He races after the sounds and manages to capture several views of a dark bodied, light hair creature with highlights in its mane. The Bigfoot sees Putua and makes several inhuman leaps away. One of the marvelous leaps pole vaults the creature over 25 feet into the air to land, perfectly on the other side of the creek. At which point, Putua loses sight of the fast moving creature.

1975, Rubyrock Lake, British Columbia Canada,

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Hunter Bill Dweedle while tracking deer around Rubyrock Lake in BC Canada, comes upon what he thinks is a female black bear trapped in a deep rock crevice. Slowly creeping toward the edge of the crevice, Dweedle figures out that the creature nestled down in the rock face is no black bear. Scared, he stops about 25 feet away from the creature, who appears to be sleeping. After keeping the monster in his sight for close to an hour, Dweedle becomes convinced the thing in there is a female Bigfoot. He later says he did not shoot the hairy lass because he could not figure a way to lift the body out of them rocks.

1975, Boggy Gut, Georgia, Pick A Nick Bigfoot

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Bill Clampers is fishing in Boggy Gut Creek in Georgia. He has a Styrofoam cooler on the bank while he wades into the middle of the creek to cast his line. Clampers says that a Bigfoot rushed out of the woods, grabbed his cooler, which squeaked and broke apart in the monster’s grip. At which point all the fish Clampers had caught, as well as over 5 dollars of nightcrawlers, spilled out into the muddy banks. The Bigfoot became flustered at the situation, since it was clear it wanted to grab the cooler and make a quick getaway into the woods. The Bigfoot bent to snatch up a couple of the dead fish, shook its fist at Clampers before throwing the rest of his gear into the creek. Clampers was surprisingly understanding.

1969, Santa Susana Moutains, California, Skipping Stone

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Glynis Poole and her daughter Violet were taking a Mother’s Day Hike in the Santa Susana Mountains. They came upon a hairy Sasquatch skipping stones across the dirt and sand. Violent wanted to go play with the creature, but Glynis was horrified. For the Sasquatch’s part, it took no notice of the two and continued its game.

1994, Dreher Island, South Carolina, Bigfoot Swim Team

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Jessie Martin walking his dog, Poochie, claims to have seen an adult Bigfoot near the water of Lake Murray. At first, he thought the creature was alone, until Poochie started barking and the creature dived into the water. The adult Bigfoot swam toward several other, smaller creatures, who seemed to be swimming in a lap race formation. The adult cried out and the others stopped immediately. All swam off into the darkness, at which point Martin lost sight of them. Martin has since made a career lecturing on the nautical proficiency of the Bigfoot.