2012, Tickfaw Park, Louisiana: Smithsonian Transport Attacked, Bigfoot Devours Olinguito

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2012, Tickfaw Park, Louisiana: Smithsonian Transport Attacked, Bigfoot Devours Olinguito

The first captured Olinguito was being transported by a group of research assistants to the Smithsonian.  When the group got tired of driving, they would pull off the freeway and stop for a rest at the nearest State or National Park.

When the group pulled off 444 to stop at Tickfaw State Park, they thought they would only stay an hour or so.  But the allure of the canoeing and absolutely lovely day, enticed them too much.  They ended up camping there for the night.

It was during the night that their station wagon was attacked by a hungry Bigfoot.  The creature must have smelled the little Olinguito that was caged inside the way back of the station wagon.  When the research assistants woke up the next morning, the back window of their station wagon was smashed out, the Olinguito cage bend and crumpled like a ball of paper, and the first know Olinguito in captivity had been viciously devoured by a very nasty Bigfoot.

All the research assistants were promptly fired and none wanted their names associated with this story.

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2012, Mission Forest, British Columbia: Chinese Tourists Are Chased by Bigfoot

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2012, Mission Forest, British Columbia: Chinese Tourists Are Chased by Bigfoot

A group of elderly Chinese tourists on holiday in British Columbia, Canada were taken to an easily accessible short trail in Mission Forest.  Their tour guide had chosen this trail for its low incline, semi-scenic vistas, and clear pathways.  At least two people in this tourist group walked with canes as the median age was 68 years old.

“We were moving like a herd of turtles,” tour guide George Yi Lu said, “when one little old man pointed into the woods and started yelling BEEEGFOOOO BEEEEFOOOO!”

The elderly group became confused.  Some went to look at what their friend was pointing toward, while others started grousing about the loud commotion, while a few, still, kept walking, having turned off their hearing aids.

“There was a big something in the woods,” Yi Lu continued, “but I am not sure it was a Bigfoot.  It looked more like a park ranger or maybe a garbage man.”

Still, many of the tour were unconvinced by this explanation and returned home with a great story about seeing a Bigfoot in Canada. 

1983, Tongass National Forest, Alaska: Russian Biologist Lures Yeti With Chimp Urine

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1983, Tongass National Forest, Alaska: Russian Biologist Lures Yeti With Chimp Urine

Disgraced Soviet Biologist, Schlomer Ulanovsky, managed to obtain funding for his ambitious battery of Yeti Experiments.  Ulanovsky drummed out of the Russian Academy of Sciences for his anti-Darwinian belief that the Bigfoot/Yeti creatures were “the original man created by God and gifted the Earth’s dominion.”

Ulanovsky came to the United States under the patronage of the CIA but was quickly labelled a “inert agent” due to his ceaseless obsession with finding and proving the North American Bigfoots’ existence.  In the middle 1970s, Ulanovksy came to some prominence on local talk shows and was interviewed for IN SEARCH OF…’s Bigfoot episode.  Though his segment was cut out in editing due to his terribly heavy accent, which the producers thought would undermine the authority of the program’s tone.

Ulanovsky’s tireless obsession, finally, paid off when noted Israeli business man, Felix “Bud” Mecham, undertook full patronage of Ulanovsky’s Alaska Project.  Briefly stated, Ulanovsky proposed a series of experiments which would conclusively prove the existence of the North American Bigfoot.  On a scale of absurdity, he proposed setting up an altar based on Talmud proscriptions in order to lure the God fearing creatures into prayer.

Ulanovsky’s most rational idea was to set up a series of motion activated cameras baited with rags soaked in female chimpanzee urine.  For he postulated, that the female chimp was a rare and exotic sexual fetish for the male North American Bigfoot.

After six months with only some plaster castings and a few photos of tree scrapings, Ulanovsky’s experiments were abruptly ended when Mecham was indicted for securities fraud.  Ulanovsky remained undeterred and continued to seek funding until his death in 2001.

1989, Limestone Hills Training Area, Montana: National Guard Exercises Interrupted by Bigfoot

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1989, Limestone Hills Training Area, Montana: National Guard Exercises Interrupted by Bigfoot

Maj. James Ward said that while his unit was completing a validation process for some Bradley Fighting Vehicles, some of his soldiers were involved with live fire exercises. It was during one of these exercises, that Pvt. Dave Gassy spied a group of figures couched in the fire line.

“There was just no explaining how or why they were there,” Pvt. Gassy explained, “but I called it in.”

Maj. Ward continued, “At first, Gassy had some trouble getting them to believe him, but it was clear as day that something was out there. First, we thought it might be a bear family, but when we called a cease fire, the creatures stood up.”

“They were tall, sir,” Pvt. Gassy added.

“And hairy, filthy red hair,” Maj. Ward said.

“They cleared out of there fast,” Pvt. Gassy continued, “I think only a few other folks got to see them before they were gone.”

“I have no doubt that we almost blew up a family of Bigfoot,” Maj. Ward said.

Pvt. Gassy nodded, “Sure glad we didn’t.”