TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Four teenagers skip school, planning on skinny dipping in Conser Lake, Oregon. Shortly after 2:15 p.m. two of the teenagers start yelling and pointing into a thicket of blackberry bushes. When the others arrive, they see a thick white haired creature sitting in the bushes. Its physique like an old timey sideshow strongman, squat and highly articulated musculature, the only things missing were the pointy waxed mustache and the 100 lb barbells. The four watch in horror as the creature daintly picks blackberries with it’s pinky and thumb claws. Its chin dyed bluish from the succulent juices of the delightful berries. When the creature spies the teenagers, it cries like a cat in heat before leaping into the trees, making a speedy getaway toward the opposite lake shore.