1993, Wind Creek State Park, Alabama, Apeman on the Banks

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! 1993 while rowing in a rented boat, Glynis Hodge and her grandson, Ralphy, claim to see an apeman on the far shore.

“He was just standing there near the trees,” Mrs. Hodge reported, “not that he was doing nothing at all. But it was little Ralphy, maybe about six at the time of this incident. Well, little Ralphy says to me, Grannie, that ape is naked! And sure enough little Ralphy was spot on right about that. The creature was mostly naked and exposed. Except for those sections and portions of his massive physical anatomy where he – and I dare say I do know it was a he, since he was jaybird bare – was lined with a wild and bushy beard. The worse kind of hair, as well. Coarse and rough looking, in desperate need of a bathing or maybe decent grooming.”

Ms. Hodge, reached by phone, continued, “Ralphy just stared and stared. I even caught him shading his eyes and squinting like he was looking for a contact lens on a shag carpet! I eventually, felt the need to scold little Ralphy. I told him, ‘Little Ralphy you stop your staring, this very instant!”

“But Granny, that ape man is naaaaakid!”

“Well, I had had enough of this nonsense. So I waved my arms and shouted and splashed my paddle to frighten the nasty bareassed monster. His white eyes just bore deeper into us,” Mrs. Hodge shuddered and coughed, “Nasty thing.”

Mrs. Hodge’s grandson recalls seeing a naked man once while boating with his grandmother, but is unconvinced that the naked man was a Bigfoot or other Apeman.

1991, Owyhee River

TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! Speed Boat Captain Donald Hubbard files a police report alleging that while anchored on the banks of the Owyhee River, his 29′ Salty is barraged by logs and small rocks. The assaulting rain lasts most of the night and causes hundreds of dollars worth of damage and dents. Hubbard fires several shotgun blasts into the woods and finds evidence of thick gelatinous blood around a trampled area of brush. The Sheriff Department confiscates Hubbard’s weapons and suspends his boating license.