TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY!
2010, Windrock Mountain, Tennessee: Mountain Bikers Attacked by Bigfoot
Jeff “Brickman” Brickman and Rod “Tray” Traynor were mountain biking down the Middle Finger trail. It was around dusk and the light was breaking up as it filtered through the trees.
Brickman was leading.
“Tray was totally trying to catch up,” Brickman continues, “I could hear him huffing and puffing like a little bitch.”
Traynor just sniffles.
“Anyway, before I know it, there is this monterous scream and then there is this hairy dude…”
“Creature,” Traynor interrupts.
“…Yeah, this big muscly creature like a ‘roid head from the gym, you know. And just as effing hairy too. Like one of them Armenian plumbers, I knew in Fresno,” Brickman bragged.
“Yeah, Brickman, used to live in Fresno, in case he hasn’t mentioned it yet. He will, about a billion more times,”” Traynor spit his chew into an empty Monster drink.
“So anyway, this creature is just howling and screaming and waving its long hairy arms. I thought I was at an Edgar Winter Concert…”
“Edgar Winter! Man, he is this albino scientologist wicked guitar player…” Brickman started to air guitar.
“Whatever, man, get back to the bigfoot…”
“Right. So this damn Bigfoot, ’cause that is totally what the creature was, man. It was a huge stinky bigfoot and he started hauling ass after us. It comes barrelling down, crashing through the tress and shit. Tray sped past me. I could tell he totally pissed his pants too!”
“Aw man. You did to. Especially, when that bigfoot started chucking rocks at you,” Traynor said with a red face.
“Yeah, it totally did. But I don’t think he was trying to hit me. Not really. I mean if that bigfoot really wanted to it could have totally annihilated us, son. I mean, personally, I think it was just effing with us.”
“Yeah you might be right. I mean it did just stop. Just like that,” Traynor claps his hands in front of his face.
“Me, personally, I think bigfoot is kind of a dick,” Brickman said stoically.
Traynor laughed and laughed.