1961, Blewett Pass, Washington: Chicken Coop Attack


1961, Blewett Pass, Washington: Chicken Coop Attack

Larry deWish awoke to the sounds of panicked chickens.  “The squaking was so bad I heard it above the two ossilating fans I had blowing on me.  That summer was unseasonably humid and the sun just baked the grass in front of the house.  I remember trying all summer to save it, but no amount of watering seemed to do the trick.”

deWish went downstairs by way of a long bathroom stop, “I was having trouble all that week with my BMs, I recall that morning to be no different.  I just sat there dozing off, until I hear that stomping on the dirt like I did, then the chickens just going crazy like they never had been going before!”

Standing at the kitchen door which faced the chicken coop, deWish found himself looking at a Bigfoot raiding his coop.  “So I was gawking at this brown and white monster, probably as wide as a Chevy and taller than any person I know of, this creature had its arm pushed way into the hen house.  I could tell by the way it squinted its eyes and had its tongue poking out from its lips, that it was rummaging around in that hen house for whatever eggs might have been left there by those chickens.”

“Well, I did not wait to see if that monster was going to find any, I turned and grabbed my shotgun from above the cabinets and charged myself right out into the back yard.  I was in the army and I faced down German Nazis, but this Bigfoot thing was scarier than any of them.  Why?  On account that that thing glad handing my hen house was no human being!”

When deWish pumped the shotgun and hollered at the Bigfoot, the creature stood upright to look at him, “Tilted its huge head to the side and considered me.  I imagine trying to size up my tenderness.  I admit was shaking in my bathrobe, but somehow I managed to shout, ‘Go on! Get outta here!’  The Bigfoot was none too impressed by that, let me tell you.  It bent down a bit and let out a mighty roar at me.  I could taste the mean foulness on its hot breath!”

deWish stood his ground which seemed to perplex the monster.  The two considered each other.  “I figured I could shoot the thing maybe one or two times before it picked me up and tossed me around like a Raggedy Andy dolly.  Plus, my shotgun may as well been a pea shooter considering how big and tough that monster looked.  So I shouted again at it to get out.  That is when the Bigfoot threw the eggs it was holding in its massive paw at me.”

“So there I was, standing in the middle of my backyard, chickens sqwaking every where, holding a shotgun on a Bigfoot and now I was coated in egg yoke.  Pretty strange sight, I’d imagine.”

After the last egg cracked on deWish’s head, the Bigfoot turned and leaped off into the woods.  “Thing never did come back, luckily for me.  I half expected him to return with rocks or something harder than eggs to throw at me.”

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