1902, Golden Gate Park, California: Bigfoot Attack The Bison

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TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY!

1902, Golden Gate Park, California: Bigfoot Attack The Bison

 The Golden Gate Park Commission purchased a herd of bison to live the park in 1891.  The herd population slowly grew so that by the turn of the century there were nearly 20 bison roaming the park.

in 1903, the Park Commission created a designated area for the bison.  This area was created in direct response to an incident that occurred in 1901.  San Francisco’s Free Love Society, a prototype hippie group who practiced sex outside of marriage and consumed a lot of marijuana baked goods, started to hold their weekly meeting in Golden Gate Park.

Usually gathering at dusk, the 50 or so members would call their gatherings to order by chiming bells and burning a small wood fire.  Yet on this night, the group witnessed a terrible act of sexual aggression.  Several members started to yell and wave their arms, pointing at a group of three bison.  These bison were being violated in the most unnatural and deviant manner by several hairy ape men.

San Francisco was plagued for a time by a tribe of Bigfoot.  Usually the Bigfoot just overturned carts and told fruit from locked storage sheds.  This night, though, the Bigfoot were engaged in unmoral carnality.  The Free Love Society raced, en mass, across the field toward the bison and Bigfoot.

The Free Love Society shouted and shook their fists trying to frighten off the Bigfoot.  To no avail.  It was one of the newer members of the Society, Trevor Hutchinson, that suggested luring the Bigfoot off the bison with marijuana brownies.  When the Bigfoot did not respond to the aroma of the baked goods, Trevor started throwing them at the copulating Bigfoot.  This got their attention.

A few minutes after the Bigfoot consumed the pot brownies, they lost interest in the bison.  They wandered off hooting and looking intently at their paws.

1995, New Plymouth, Ohio: Earl Vinton Catches Bigfoot Having Relations with his Cows

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1995, New Plymouth, Ohio: Earl Vinton Catches Bigfoot Having Relations with his Cows

Earl Vinton claims he was awoken in the early morning to sounds of agitation coming from his barn.  Vinton, figuring another coyote or fox was about, slung on his bathrobe, grabbed his shotgun, stepped barefoot into his rain boots, and positioned his cap.  He stepped out on to the creaky back porch.  In the early morning light, he thought he saw a large man dart between two cows out near the fence.

Vinton called out for the tramp to show himself or get on get.  When the only answer he got was the panicked moos of the cows, Vinton took flight down toward the cow pen.

Vinton saw a 10 foot manthing covered in reddish yellow hair standing behind one of his best cows.  Vinton made a commotion which startled the beast.  Only after the creature disentangled itself from the rear haunches of the cow did Vinton get a full accounting of what that monster was doing.

“Dang it too, if that cow has never been the same since,” Vinton laments over iced tea.

1989, Daniel Boone National Forest, Kentucky: Wilma Than Claims Bigfoot Impregnated Her

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TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY!

1989, Daniel Boone National Forest, Kentucky: Wilma Than Claims Bigfoot Impregnated Her

Wilma Than claims she was abducted from her Bee Rock campsite by a black and red haired Bigfoot.  The creature, Than continued, smelled like pine cones and sexy musk, had nearly perfectly white teeth, and feet larger than most men.

The Bigfoot grabbed Than and whisked her off into the woods.  Before Than could cry out, the creature had her back at its nest.  Than described the Bigfoot den as rather cozy, if somewhat primitive.

“After a few days of wooing me,” Than wrote in her journal, “the creature finally consummated the relationship.  Immediately, I knew I was pregnant with our love child.”

Than claims that Bigfoot babies only take three weeks to gestate.  Once the infant was born, the Bigfoot’s whole demeanor toward Than cooled.  “Typical male,” Than laments, “once he got what he wanted, I was fried shoelaces.”

A few days later, Than woke up and the Bigfoot and their infant baby were both gone.  “Never did see either one of them again.  But the worst part? I had to walk back to camp on my own.”

1976, Six Rivers National Forest, California, Cherie Darvell Escapes Bigfoot Captivity

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TODAY IN BIGFOOT HISTORY! 1976, Six Rivers National Forest, Eureka, California, Cherie Darvell wanders into a resort lodge, disoriented and carrying a bushel of lilies and twigs. She claimed that three days earlier, she was abducted by a large hairy ape creature who she believed was of the Bigfoot Species. Cherie claimed she was grabbed by the creature while she was hiking with an expedition that set out to film evidence of Bigfoot.

Around dusk, she became separated from her group. It was at this point that she was captured by the Bigfoot. She was dragged through the woods to the Bigfoot’s den. Over the next few days, the Bigfoot presented her with berries and dead birds. In addition, the Bigfoot entertained her with small shows of pebbles and rocks.

Cherie managed to escape when the Bigfoot fell asleep. The Eureka County Sheriff’s office deemed the whole story impossible to believe and treated it like a hoax. Cherie sold her story to the Weekly World News for 250 dollars.

1998, Forked Run Ohio

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A group of college students camping at Forked Run State Park along the Ohio/West Virgina border record rustling and screams on their portable boom box. Over a series of three nights, the strange noises continue. When the recordings are analyzed, experts at Ohio State debunk the noises as premarital recreation activities of other campers in the area.